


Hydrangea

by RavenSnowStar94



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fae & Fairies, Forgiveness, Hate to Love, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-07 16:36:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSnowStar94/pseuds/RavenSnowStar94
Summary: The war was finally over. And though things were starting to look better, there were consequences after so many years of being in Morath and of what happened during the war.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are from the amazing series Throne of Glass written by Sarah j Maas.
> 
> This story is set after what happened in Empire of Storms/Tower of Dawn.
> 
> PS: English is not my native language so I'm sorry about any mistakes.

## Prologue

Elide tried to stay calm as her mind analyzed everything that happened before her. She casted a side glance to Manon and Asterin at her side and found both witches with tears streaming down their faces, not of sadness but of relief.

  
The war was finally over.

  
Somehow they won.

  
Aelin won.

  
Her Queen sacrificed so much for this to happen and they were all still here. Breathing and with a long life ahead of them.

  
King Dorian was on his knees, drained of exhaustion and leaning against Chaol's arm as Yrene patched a gash on Chaol's forehead. She silently cared for him while everyone around them seemed too tired to even talk.

  
Elide's focus went to the male on the other end of the meadow. Lorcan's onyx eyes were engulfed in shadows and she knew he was deep down grieving the death of his Queen Maeve. And even with only hatred in Elide's heart about that horrible woman...she couldn't stand seeing him so broke. It was worse than when the Queen broke the bloodbound she had with him, desonoring him above anything else. He thought back then that everything was about the Queen, that his loyalty only existed for her. And Elide hated that part of him. Hated seeing him degrade himself for that woman. Hated seeing him doing things for that monster, knowing he would never do it if it depended only in him.

  
While Elide was lost in thought looking at her saviour from the woods, she noticed Queen Aelin and King Rowan were in their own world too, embracing each other, not caring what anyone thought of it.

  
They survived.

  
Elide survived.

  
She could live now.

  
And Lorcan, on the other end of the meadow should start thinking about getting his feelings together and try to live his own life, without Maeve and without the leash around his neck.


	2. But the monsters turned out to be just trees

**But the monsters turned out to be just trees**

 

The wounded and the dead started to be counted for and Elide hated being there to see the  look of despair in so many eyes, even those of the dead.

Some had lacerations that it weren't  done by a human or far, but by a Vaulg. By creatures of the darkness. And Elide did her best to get rid of that same look from the one that survived, she tried to assist the healers that came from Torre Cesme but she knew that her foot was slowing them down everytime they asked for more clean bandages or any tool. She knew she was not supposed to be there but still, the echo of the sounds by the lives that were being taken in the middle of the previous chaos was enough to boost her estamina. Her determined spirit wouldn't be swayed by the fear of her being a problem to others. She could handle herself, she survived those dreadful lonely nights at the woods.

Lyssandra spotted her, the Lady went to inform something to Elide.

“I'm going to find Aedion...and Gavriel. I'm worried.” The metamorph was pale while trying to find her lover and his father among the people around them.

“They are alright, probably having a father and son moment after winning a war.” Elide said with a consolation smile.

The noises around them started to get louder, people, faes and whatever started to celebrate. The ones that survived, not  the dead one. Their souls were long gone. 

Erawan was gone. Queen Maeve was dead. Even the Vaulgs seemed to have completely disappeared.

A healer shouted that she needed more gauze and water, so Elide rushed to her while carrying a sack of gauze.

She went after to fetch a bowl of water from the stream nearby the treatment camp, noticing a familiar broad back leaning against the trunk of a tree. She didn't know what to speak so she stayed quiet and prayed that he wouldn't notice her.

His hair was a tangled mess of dirt and blood, as well as his clothes and all of his skin. Elide realized that all of his being was smeared with dark red marks. He seemed not to bother to go inside the stream and clean himself, he seemed almost at peace. With his head a little to the side and his eyes closed, Elide even thought for a moment that he was dead. But before the panic insured she got a glimpse of his chest going up and down.

With her bowl of water, she tried to regain focus on her task and disappeared back to the camp. Not once looking back.

After finishing for the day, she went to the tent that the new Queen of Terrassement was using to have privacy and when opening the folds of the tent, Elide notice that everyone was sitting on cushions that were placed on the ground.

Aelin sat in Rowan's lap and she had a territorial posture around her husband, while Chaol sat next to Yrene only holding hands and whispering to her something. 

Someone must have said something that Elide didn't registered because the next thing she knew, Asterin laughed out loud and Manon followed the same reaction, but rushing to King Dorian's side quickly. Pushing him up from the ground and kissing him brutally.

“Stop with this and get a room. Nobody wants to see you doing that and he is a King, for crying out loud. Have some decency.” Her last words were barely a whisper but everyone in the room heard.

Chaol and Dorian laughed almost desperately. Elide noticed that Chaol was almost crying of laughter while Dorian, still with Manon's body glued to his,  shooked because of the laughter that was coming out of his body.

“Aelin, stop trying to kill the King with your jokes.” Lyssandra was at the back of the tent carrying a glass of water, and she sounded serious but her eyes told otherwise.

Even Aedion chuckled, and then Aelin started to demand what all the laugher was supposed to mean. Manon hissed and showed her iron teeth so Aelin could back off, and that felt like a banter between people that considered themselves as family.

“Elide I have some fresh clothes for you. Wait a second.” Said Lyssandra coming towards her and holding her hand.

After a quick change of clothes she asked Lyssandra if she had any clean shirt and pants. A little confused, the metamorph gave some that were Aedion's and didn't ask any questions.


	3. Just questions that don't ever end

**Just questions that don't ever end**

 

Then Elide went outside the tent to look for Lorcan, she still hated him, for what happened to Aelin. But the image of him wearing those bloodied clothes hunted her.

She remembered the last thing she said to him and that made her heart cringe. She went overboard but he had screwed everyone, still she thought that maybe her words were too harsh.

Maybe he hates her too and she's making a fool of herself by bringing him new clothes.

Suddenly a hand clasped on her shoulder, making her turn around. Aelin Galathynius stood in front of her, and then hugged Elide with her warm body.

“Everything is over, Elide. We can finally be at peace and enjoy the lives our moms wanted us to have…” The new Queen of Terrasse suddenly had a glint in her eyes, a mischievous smile. “If you want to find that damn brute...he must be licking his wounds away from everyone. You know how he is a loner, but maybe things will change now.” Aelin winked at Elide, making the lady blush and at the same time confused.

“I thought you hated him.”

“Well, if one thing life taught me is that people are more than what you see. And yes, I hate him, but I can be persuaded...Hell, I hated Rowan when I met him and look where we are...wait, I'm not saying that I will marry Lorcan! This thought will give me nightmares...Let me kiss my husband so I can forget this horrid image.”

Elide couldn't stop herself from laughing at the expression in Aelin's face while she practically ran to the arms of her husband.

But Elide stood in the same place, and after the laughter faded she couldn't stop to ask herself of how could Aelin seemed to have forgiven Lorcan. Of how everyone, while still unfriendly, didn't hate the warrior anymore.

Going back to the memories of during the war, Lorcan helped them after having screwed up badly. He tried to atone for his sins, and while everyone seemed to not be bothered by his presence anymore, Elide was infuriated.

And nothing makes sense anymore because there she was, carrying fresh clothes to him. In the end of the day she knew that she actually didn't hate him, but it was difficult to admit that her feelings might be the opposite of that.

She went back to the tent after finding the tree by the stream and placing the clothes there, hoping he would find them later into the night.

Chaol and Yrene were still sitting together by the time she sat in one of the cushions and Aelin had vanished.

“Lady Elide, Aelin went out with Rowan and she wants us to be ready tomorrow at 8 o'clock.” Chaol said after getting up from his cushion with the help of a cane and his wife. Yrene placed a gentle hand to his shoulder, guiding him to outside of the tent.

Elide was alone again, with only her thoughts to keep her company.

After two whole weeks of planning and helping Aelin organize the new Kingdom, Elide didn't have time to even think about going to search for Lorcan.

They all moved one week ago to the recently restored Glass Castle. Aelin gave her a suite next to Manon’s, apparently the Queen had a room for all the people of her inner circle.

And Elide was very grateful, she loved the greenish wallpapers and the welcoming furniture. She had a living room, bathroom and bedroom on her suite and a part of her wanted to say that it was too much. But the other part of herself liked to be spoiled for the first time in her life. She loved the feel of the egyptian silk that Aelin gave to her as a bedsheet. And she almost fainted with the size of her bathtub.

Elide and the others spent most days having meetings to discuss some new laws and the need to exclude some others. King Rowan was busy with Gavriel and Fenrys, making sure that the Kingdom was safe and receiving the necessaire help after the war. 

She saw Gavriel and Fenrys during most dinners, but Lorcan was always absent, even when Elide knew for sure that he was welcomed there.

Aelin kept throwing sympathetic looks to her during dinner that night, probably knowing where Elide's mind was.

King Dorian went back to Adarlan, with the goal of structuring his kingdom as well, always accompanied by his right hand, Chaol. Yrene stayed behind for a few days only to help with the wounded people but she went to join her husband in Adarlan that morning. They were oddly attached to each other, as every other couple in her group, Elode noticed.

Manon and Asterin stayed with them and even shared rooms with her when the nightmares of Morath invaded Elide's dreams. The same scenes over and over again, Kaltain’s screams, the creatures that hid there, the darkness that made Elide’s body tremble. Everything seemed so real that even between tears she found herself relieved every time she wake up because of them.

She got up from her couch and walk aimlessly through her suite, splashing water on her face and even opening the chocolates Aelin gave to her...but nothing seemed to calm her down.

It was past midnight and Manon went earlier for a ride with Abraxos and Asterin went to some bar at the village near the castle. They would probably not return for the night. Or they would go to their rooms.

Elide leaned over the balcony of her suite, looking at the night sky and losing herself every time she tried to count the stars.

Her back suddenly got the chills and when she looked behind her a tall shadow hid in the corner of the balcony. The heart that before was calm, beated rapidly and wildly, already knowing who it was.


	4. When the sun came up you were looking at me

She couldn't stop herself so she tried to run but her feet didn't help, so she almost fell to the ground. Fortunately, before she did some damage to her nose and face, his arms were keeping her from it. His skin was the same harshness surface from weeks ago, and he almost trembled when she touched his forearm.

“Back from the dead?”

“You wish.” And it pained to see that he actually thought she wanted him dead. Not surprised after remembering their last shared words.

Steady on the ground, she now put her hands around his neck gently, feeling his blood rush and his muscles move. He felt so alive to her, so here.

Her hands trailed to his chest, that now she noticed was covered by a simple silk white shirt and black pants. The clothes she left for him weeks ago.

Elide leaned over and rested the side of her face on his heart, trying to count each beat and thanking the Cauldron for each one of them.

She was interrupted by his hands pushing her away from him. He looked at her eyes and it scared her for a brief moment...she saw nothing but sadness.

“I gather that you hate me. I know that. But I need to go away tonight and it is only fair that you know that I'm gone. That I'm not going to bother you anymore.”

Her mind came to a halt while she processed his words. How come he was going away? He should stay and help everyone, help her.

“You can't go.” Barely a whisper, she thought he didn't hear her. But judging by the surprised face he had, he must have heard loud and clear. And of course, his perfect ears are able to even hear a bee in the other side of the forest.

“You hate me. Everyone hates me.” He said taking some steps back.

“People hated you before and it didn't seem to bother you. Why don't you stay and try to make them see you for who you really are...not Maeve's dog and not this cold warrior…” Elide wouldn't let him get away from her. “Let them see the Lorcan that helped me in the woods, that pretended to be my husband during our time in the circus...the one that helped when I was in pain.”

Lorcan seemed to be barely breathing. Barely understanding the words Elide said and what did that mean. She cared for him and that scared him way more than a war.

“I...don't know how to be that Lorcan again with her gone...I should hate her, Elide. But why I feel so lost?”

His broken tone made her come closer to him, catching his hands and lifting them up so she could place a soft kiss on the back of them.

“I will never understand your feelings towards her, but one thing I know from grieving is that with time the pain will get better. You will have to stand up by yourself and live your life.” She smiled weakly at him. “I hated you so much for what you've done to Aelin. Really, I'm sorry to have said those things to you back then. I'm sorry for that...but Lorcan, your devotion to her…” Elide would never say that what he felt for the Queen was love, he might think it was but it wasn't. “Made you do terrible things and be someone you're not.”

“I think it was me deep down, Elide. A monster.”

“But you want to be one?”

Lorcan looked at the small woman in front of him. Her brown eyes melted with so much fire on them, and the sweetness of her whole consumed him. Making him remind of when they were playing husband and wife and she held his hand, making circles with her fingers on the scarred skin that he so much was proud of but that now only made him hate himself. Her eyes when she looked at him that day on the forest and how her lips felt against his. How her touches were always hesitant but determined.

Lorcan felt a light blooming deep in his dark soul every time he made her smile, and that sensation and those feelings for this girl were everything to him. The only precious thing he had, and that's why he should leave. Before his darkness got a hold of her and made her cry.

“I don't. But I am.”

“No you aren't.” Elide almost screamed at him. She couldn't stand the man she cared for suffering like this. “You are a good male. A loyal one. And if you stay I promise that I will be at your side.”

“You don't know what your promising.” He said almost sarcastically.

“I know what I’m promising. Nothing will harm you anymore because I won't let that happen. I’m going to protect you even from yourself.”

He smiled briefly, amused by the words of a warrior that came out of this small woman. He then smiled broadly realizing that she wanted him to stay with her. No one ever wanted that from him, in hundred of years of existing, Lorcan never had anyone that cared deeply for him.

And Elide, with her fiery eyes and mesmerizing heart, offered her protection to him. Offered everything that he never thought someone would do.

He put his arms around her shoulders and hugged her. Not wanting the warmth of her hold to ever leave him again.

“Will you stay? Stay with me?” Elide asked between sobs.

Lorcan caressed her hair and smelled her scent, letting out a strangled noise.

“Yes.”

She caught his hand and brought him inside her suite, closing the balcony French doors and the curtains. 

They looked at each other firmly before Elide, with the help of his wind on her feet, jumped to him and laced her arms around his neck. Her lips met his briefly one time.

“I love you, Lorcan Salvaterre.”

She kissed him deeply and her legs went around his waist, suddenly her whole body was pressed to his while he carried her to the center of the room. His hands were under her tights, not letting her slip to the ground and making him hold her in place. He would never let her go again.

After many minutes of giggles and hands exploring each others body, they were finally in her bedroom. They each lay down next to each other, facing each other's faces and memorizing all the details.

Lorcan went closer, pushing her up so she could straddle his waist and making him have an amazing view of her lovingly face staring down at him. Elide slid her hands through his chest, and started to take off his shirt, she needed to feel his skin against her. When she finished to take off his top, she in a fast movement was only wearing her undergarments. The green simple dress flew to the floor. She leaned over him and looked at the face she loved. At his straight jaw and raven hair that was a mess after her hands explored every inch of his strands.

“I like to look at you.”

“Me too, Elide.”

They kissed some more, making both of them moan with the wanting building on each one. But knowing that it wasn't time yet to go all the way, Lorcan stopped at the same time Elide paused.

“Can I hold you?” Lorcan asked.

“Always.” Elide cuddled with him, lost in his arms and for the first night in a while, the nightmares didn't visit her during her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter because Elide and Lorcan are just the sweetest <3


	5. Think about the good times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised...a longer chapter!!!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

 

Things got easier after some weeks. Elide thought that maybe happiness was this, her waking up next to Lorcan, she having a place in Aelin’s court, everyone just going day by day and not fearing their deaths every single moment.

But it turns out that not everything was alright. Not everything was healed.

Lorcan wake up to the sound of Elide’s heartbeat picking up fast, hammering through her chest and he feared that they were in the middle of an attack. His eyes opened fast and he protectively threw his body over hers, but then he noticed that they were alone in her room.

She kept murmuring something and Lorcan for a moment thought she was possessed by something, making him almost flinch when he touched her face. It was icy cold and she had scratches all over her arms, as if she tried to clean her skin.

“Elide.”

Lorcan came closer to her face and whispered, trying to gently wake her up. She was having a nightmare, he realized, and her face scrunched in pain.

“Elide!” His hands were on her face roughly then, he couldn’t take the risk of losing her to this nightmare. Any minute more that she stayed with the things that hunted her, the more he felt as if he was losing her again. 

He kissed her, in a mad attempt of making her wake up and it worked because one moment she was biting her lips strongly and the moment Lorcan’s lips met hers, it dissolved. He moved away from her face to observe her expression, and this time he was relieved to see her mahogany eyes were staring dazzedly at his.

There wear tears skipping from the side of her eyes, but she didn’t feel pain or fear anymore. Elide was awake and away from those stoned long corridors she passed through so many years, away from the eternal darkness that place seemed to have even during the day, as if the sun couldn’t reach there.

She breathed deeply, pushing herself up and resting her elbows on the bed. Relieved for having Lorcan there, he was afraid of touching her because he didn’t know what happened exactly.

But something changed after some minutes in silence, he leaned towards her never taking his eyes of her. He closed the distance between them, placing his arms around her narrow body and bringing her coldness towards the warmth of his skin. His hands making circles on her back, as if soothing the trembled feelings inside her chest.

“You once offered me a home.” His voice sounded soft for the first time in a while, and her heart seemed to be warming up a bit because of that. 

She then reached for his neck, lacing it with her arms and laying her head on the crook of his neck.

“Back then I only had Perranth. Now I have so much more.” Elide said without wavering. “I have Aelin, I have Manon...and somehow I have you too.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

Elide lay down again, bringing him with her and resting her head on his chest while he played with some strands of her hair.

“It’s been a while since this happened, but I sometimes see my...uncle. My mind seems to make me go back to Morath and I can't get out of there in this version.” Focusing on her fingers, she caressed the surface of Lorcan's skin, tying that with the feeling of safeness. “I'm locked in... _ that  _ room. Hearing something talking to me...something touching my skin and I'm desperate. Desperate to wake up but it is as if I'm there, as if that is the reality. I found myself hurting and fighting to get away but I can't.”

Lorcan listened to her, fearing that his heart would break while listening to the trembling in her voice as well as on her body.

When he found her in the woods back then, she just had survived and fled from Morath. She was broken then, but with hope pumping her being and making her brave. The hope of finding her queen.

While Lorcan looked down at the woman in his arms, he still could see all that fire, but now it was mixed with something else. Something similar to sadness.

“This is the real world. You, here, with me. Aelin is safe. Manon and everyone else too.” He placed a kiss on her hair. “You're safe too.”

“My inconscient seems to not grasp that.” She said chuckling.

“It will catch on sometime, so in the meantime...you can hold on to me as long as you want.”

She looked up at his chiseled jaw and handsome features. Wondering if things will get better.

“Thank you, Lorcan.”

They kissed. And her mind seemed to agree with her that that reality was better than anything else.

 

On the next morning she woke up noticing the bed was empty. Lorcan always disappeared during this time of the day and she suspected that it was something related to the rushed conversation he sometimes had with Aelin. Elide seems to think that he is helping Rowan with getting security back to the kingdom because Lorcan always came back during lunch and with a moody Rowan next to him.

She found Manon outside her room. Thanks witch looked at Elide and quirked an eyebrow.

“You smell happy.”

“Thanks, Manon. That's not weird at all.”

“Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to Adarlan. Sure you don't want to come?”

“Yes, I don't think it's time yet. But you should go...Dorian must be missing you.”

Manon never blushed, but the strange look on her face was the closest to that that she will ever reach.

“Right. Well, I don't know how  _ him  _ helps you but if he does...I support you.” And after saying that, Manon entered the room at the end of the corridor without glancing to Elide.

Elide went down to get something to eat and found Rowan sitting at the table, lost in thoughts. He seemed worried about something, and if he was there where Lorcan went to? She should ask her...Lorcan later.

“Good morning, Elide.”

“Good morning. Where is everyone?” She asked while sitting in front of him. “Aelin said that we should talk about implementing some sort of treat between Adarlan and Terrasse but she didn't say anything more.”

“She is not feeling good today, probably going to stay resting.”

“Is something serious?”

“She is having morning sickness due to the pregnancy.”

Elide's heart jumped.

“Are you serious? The baby is going to be so blessed! So your look of lost in because your happy?”

“I am indeed very happy but still processing the fact that my mate is going to have my child.” Rowan had this little smile on the corner of his mouth. She wanted so badly to go and talk with Aelin, but judging by how Aelin is not feeling well she doesn't think she will be welcomed in the room of a pregnant woman. Not when Aelin hates to show her weak side.

“Changing subjects, do you know where Lorcan is?”

“Probably at the camp.”

“Why?”

“Didn't he tell you?”

“No…”

“I can't believe I'm saying this but Lorcan is teaching and helping some healthy guards while we don't have a Captain of the Guard.” Rowan was looking at Elide waiting for her reaction.

Rowan was surprised when Lorcan few weeks back volunteered to help with it. The new King thought his old friend would be hiding at Elide's side moping for a long while before feeling accepted.

“He didn't tell me. Why is he so secretive? Is not as if he's doing something wrong.”

Elide questioned herself but Rowan felt the need to answer her.

“He was always like this. Doing things behind everyone's back, even when it was a good thing. Never understood why but I was annoyed for most part of my life while at Maeve's side so things did go unnoticed by me.”

Before Elide could start her breakfast, she caught an apple and went to find Lorcan. She wanted to know what he's been up to during the morning. She wanted to know why he didn’t tell her. She thought that after those weeks in the woods, and after these peaceful times he would be sharing everything with her. 

Lorcan was still a mystery to her, and therefore she would try to unreveal him for the rest of their days together. With a smile on her face, she thought that those days will last forever. 

She walked determined and not even feeling her bad feet rocking strangely through the marble floor of the castle, focused solely on finding Lorcan. The back doors of the ground floor of the castle opened, making the fresh air inave her lungs and making her realize how much time she spends inside and not rejoicing the freedom they all earned.

A guard comes up to her, asking if she needs help with anything, she politely refuses his help. But then some steps ahead she reminded that the location of the camp was unknown to her. Her voice came in a harsh voice, even making her surprised, the guard seemed only amused but trying to stay profesional. He indicated the trees at the other side of the garden full of roses and said that someone could show her where the camp was from there.

She got distracted by the smell, she was used to rotten smells and the uneasy feeling of always being sweaty. Used to the mold and horrible scent of Morath, that matched with how she felt inside every time she spend even a minute in the presence of her uncle. Now dead, thank the Cauldron.

Her ears picked the sound of yells, being muffed by the trunks of trees in front of her, so she followed that. And when she walked, with some difficulty then, the trees started to disappear and a huge meadow appeared. That’s where her eyes encountered his, he seemed to be in the middle of a movement while carrying a spear, something she never associated him with. She thought that he was more of a hand in hand combat, apparently she was wrong.

“Don’t you all think that with a spear it makes easier to fight with someone from a big distance.” He was no focused on the dozens of men in front of him, all lined up so then they can’t accidently hit each other. “A spear can me you vulnerable, cocky and in the end...damn stupid!”

Lorcan showed a movement that it seemed to cut the person in front of the one striking, and told all of them to repeat the movements until their arms burned and then for more ten minutes after that.

He turned to look at Elide, at the perimeter of the camp and nodded at her. Giving her the impression that he didn’t want her to go to his encounter, at least not yet. She then sat under a cherry-blossom tree and observed the training, eating er apple while doing it and sighing feeling blessed, even with so many weapons around her.


	6. That's when I could finally breathe

**That's when I could finally breathe**

 

The minutes started to pass slowly. Lorcan wished Elide haven’t gone there because now he could only focus on her breathing, and how her sweet smell hit him making everything around him seem worthless, and that only her mattered. Unfortunately he made a promise to Rowan, and he didn’t want to break this one, not after all the things they all went through because of him.

So he endured the training until midday and when all the meadow was clear of those lazy and immature men, he strolled over her and she was already smiling at him. He reached for her outstretched hand, pushing her up and after confirming they were alone, kissing her sweetly. 

“Good day, Lady Lochan.”

Elide placed her hands on each side of his shoulders, grazing his jaw with her lips. Almost falling on his chest because she tried to tiptoe to reach his face when her feet cramped for a second.

“Are you done for today?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s walk a little then, I would love to stay outside for a bit.”

Noticing her struggle when they started to walk back to the castle’s gardens, he laced her waist and pushed her to rest the side of her body on his, not minding at all the feel of her presence so close to him. She put one arm around his shoulders, to help his movements.

“When we reach the garden, you can pull me down.”

“Alright.”

They reached the garden after a few minutes of Elide just looking at him, trying to understand him a little bit more. But of course that was impossible. He was a hard book to read and his heart was even harder.

Elide’s feet hit the ground and before Lorcan could take a step back, she grabbed his hand, making him smile.

“I’m not running from you, Elide.”

“I know, but I want to walk around the garden like this…”

She blushed a little notiving he had the kind of smile she usually melts for, the kind of smile that was so rare to see coming from him that it took everything in her power to not just freeze this moment forever.

“I love when you smile. You should do more of that and less brooding.”

“I don’t brood.”

“Aham, keep telling yourself that.” There were all types of roses that she could imagine around them, blue ones and even white ones. Her fingers grasped the base of a lilac rose and she smelled the scent. “Why you didn’t tell me you were helping these guards?”

“I don’t know.”

He said simply, not looking at Elide.

“You can tell me everything, I hope you know that.”

“Elide, I wouldn’t share your bed if I didn’t know that.” She blushed a little and they both went back to walk around the pod. “Sometimes I find hard to talk...to share. But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying.”

Her free hand went to cup his face, making him look at her while talking about that.

“I know you’re trying. You being here means a lot to me specially because it implies that you are trying to be a better person. To finally show your true self.”

“You thinking that I have a heart shows me how much hope you have in yours. It’s...interesting.” 

Elide walked a few steps ahead of him and turned, making her hair swoon with the wind passing through and making Lorcan’s nonexistent heart beat wildly. He went closer to her, not caring for the first time that someone could see them, not caring for future snarky comments about this. He stops right in front of her, with her face almost touching his chest, and then her hands were lacing his wait while he leans down to place a chaste kiss on her forehead.

“Aelin is with child so be nice to her, alright?” Elide simply said, when they were both back to normal and walking hand in hand. His eyebrows made a strange wiggle and she huffed with that expression of his. “Have you...ever had a child or…” They always talked a lot about the time they were in the woods and about the war, but never about his past with Maeve of even before that. They never talked about Morath, only when she wakes up from nightmares, and only with the protection of the night sky.

“No. I wasn’t blessed with a child but there were two females I had a relationship.”

“Can you tell me about them?” She was curious to know more about his life, about possible relationships.

“They are dead, Elide. Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Well, they were important to you…”

“What do you want to know?” He said defeated and a mild angry.

“Anything you feel comfortable sharing.”

He pondered about what to tell her about them. His memories where a little fuzzed because of the many years that had passed since then. Their faces were a mix in his head and sometimes he can’t even tell them apart, he doesn’t know if it was because of how during that time Maeve liked to torture her ‘dogs’.

“They were both fae. Both decent females. Both killed by Maeve.” Elide stopped on her tracks, she must have heard wrong. She must. It's not possible, she knew Maeve was evil, hell incarnated. But killing women that one her most loyal men cared about? To what end? What would she gain doing that. “They couldn't distract me while dead.”

He must have understood that her silence was partially shock and partially confusion, nowadays he was pretty good at reading her.

“But...you did everything for her.”

“She did whatever she wanted. Even with the bloodbound she was possessive of what was hers. And I was hers, deeply. Too blind to see how…sick in mind she was.”

“I hate her.”

“Don't hate her, Elide. It doesn't matter anymore, she is also dead. It's all over.”

“It's not! Don't you think I notice the way you sometimes is lost in thoughts? Probably remembering the things you had to that while... while bounded to her?”

“Elide.” He grabbed her wrists trying to make her calm down. “Even with the bound I had a choice most of the times, I chose the easiest way. I choose doing everything for her.”

This statement made her flinch, look away from him and even hate him a little.

“Am I crazy to have forgiven you?”

“I wasn't sure if you did, but you asked me to stay. So I stayed. It doesn't matter.”

“Of course it matters. How can you be with someone knowing they didn't forgive you?”

“Because I'm selfish. Because being with you was enough, even if you hated me.”

Elide still with a seed of hatred inside her heart, thought that throughout all of Lorcan's life he never had someone that understood him or that knew him well. She was then realizing that he didn't want to explain his heart to others. He didn't want to get attached, but now that Maeve was gone...Elide has a chance to change that.

“I don't hate you. Most of the times I love you.” Her hand caressed his cheek and then the tips of his hair. She felt him tremble under her touch and she wanted so much to just love him. Hold him between her arms, never letting go of his warmth.

“You are everything, Elide. When I think you will punch me...you say that you love me. You keep forgiving me and it's so overwhelming.” Lorcan smiled. One of those full teeth smiles that he only gives once per decade. “From the moment I set my eyes on you...in the woods, I knew nothing would ever be the same. And I want to thank you for that. “

“Well, you're welcome. But you had some input too.”

Life was hard for Elide. Always filled with terrors and nightmares, never ending suffering next to her uncle. She never thought that things will turn out to be alright after some time, but she hoped. Hoped for her queen to return and for her to be alive when it happened. That’s what motivated her to keep living, even if what she had before wasn’t life. 

She kept battling the pain each day, not waiting for someone to rescue her, but to show her that hope was still something worth fighting for. And her life was almost drained, the fire inside her torched when meeting Manon Blackbeak. The hope inside of Elide, that was a little dorment, woke up with a jolt and between fire she got herself free and looking for her queen.

Elide looked at the male next to her. His strong features didn’t scare her anymore, it made her heart ache with desire to touch his skin. It made every fiber on her skin to burn, and that sensation was new to her.

Lorcan entwined their fingers together when they passed through the doors of the newly reformed glass castle, and she knew that at that precise moment something inside her got back in its place. When reaching her room, Lorcan pushed her to his chest and then up, making her feet not touch the floor and with a sly smile in his face. She kissed him once, and then again...again and again. Losing herself into his arms and never letting go of him, always holding on.

They were later laying down on her bed, watching the sunset while Lorcan hummed some old song from the time he was a child. Elide kept kissing his skin, his scarred skin, and loving every part of it, liking the way he moaned her name when she did that. She pressed a last kiss to his chest, right above his heart, and then settle down under his arms. He looked down at her, kissing her forehead and pressing his nose to her skin, snuggling a little, which made her think how adorable he was.

When thinking about Lorcan, she thought about the future. About a family they could have one day, the children she could bare with his eyes and her soft features, the perfect mix. The fact that his heart was hers, and hers was his. She now could go to sleep without fearing nightmares, because if they came crawling back...she will fight and have Lorcan next to her.

She will never be alone again.

She was finally happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for having read my first Elorcan Fic! I love this two characters so much and their story is coming to an end (stil haven't read KOA) so I wanted to just share my idea of their ending (and beggining hehe).


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